The vocabulary, no mysticism

Changing what the conversation is about instead of answering what's asked.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" answered with "are you applying?" turns the question into one about her interest. It's the mechanism that pays off most against interrogations.

Laughing at yourself before someone else does, without shrinking.

Accepting the accusation and exaggerating it leaves it nowhere to go, because a test needs resistance to measure. It's not the same as apologizing: there's no request for anything.

Giving back the same amount of effort you're receiving.

It's the only mechanism that works for tests without a line: silence, being left on read, one-word replies and cancellations. You answer "ok" with "ok", not a paragraph.

Answering without confirming or denying, so the doubt remains.

It's the principle that organizes all the others. If your answer resolves the doubt, the conversation ended right there even if it keeps going.

A comment halfway between a compliment and a tease.

It works when it's light and hurts no one, and it becomes an insult the moment it looks for a victim. It's one of the techniques that has aged worst: use it sparingly.

Continuing to invest in a conversation the other person already let go of.

The double text, the third date proposal and the paragraph against a one-word reply are the three most common forms. She decided none of them: you wrote them staring at a still screen.

Texting again without having received a reply to the last one.

It changes what was happening: before there was a pending conversation, now there's someone waiting and someone who knows it. The content doesn't matter, including the funny version.

Answering an accusation by lining up the facts and the evidence.

Even if your timeline is perfect, you've just accepted that there's a court and that you have to prove your innocence. Winning the point changes nothing, because the format is already set.

Confusing confidence with harshness while correcting the opposite excess.

Hitting back requires having felt the blow, so it communicates the same as justifying, in a different tone. You can spot it because the answer leaves someone looking bad.

Putting all your expectations on someone you don't have anything with yet.

It's what's underneath almost every mistake on this list: when a conversation is the only one you have, every message weighs too much. Techniques don't fix it.

The man who shows up in the conversation to measure himself against you.

It can be the ex she mentions, the persistent friend or someone in the group. Competing with him turns the conversation into one about another man, which is exactly the outcome that doesn't help you.

Saying you don't care while your body says the opposite.

It scores worse than getting openly upset: on top of the reaction, it communicates that you can't back up what you say. The giveaway is returning to the topic twenty minutes later.

The place and situation where the practice conversation happens.

There are nine: bar, first date, texting, gym, office, Instagram, group of friends, early relationship and reunion. They change which tests show up and who's listening.

Your opponent's personality in a practice session.

Six: blunt, sarcastic, cold, expert tester, group leader and polite-but-distant. Each one works tests in with a different style and punishes different things.

The bar that goes up or down with each answer during a session.

It starts halfway and moves up to 20 points per turn. If you lose it completely, she leaves; if you fill it, she'll tell you.

The public rubric every answer is scored with.

Six fixed bands: 0 to 15 you got offended or begged, 16 to 35 you justified yourself, 36 to 55 it was flat, 56 to 75 you held up, 76 to 90 you left her thinking and 91 to 100 you flipped the test.

Forty stages of sparring with rising difficulty.

Each stage sets the scenario, the opponent and a target score. Win and you unlock the next one; lose and you repeat it until you master it.